The Fight is Over

This evening while family was gathered together for a family home evening of sorts, my sweet Grandma passed away. We had been preparing for that moment for several days now, but when it happened, it was as if she just left while we weren't paying attention. We had a family prayer, and sang "Love at Home"... a family favorite... and by the time the song was finished, she had drifted. I think Aunt Lela described it best, "The tears are not tears of sadness, but tears of the sweet Spirit." Now i'm not gonna lie, I was very sad. But the Spirit was so strong in that house this evening. We're so sad to loose our beloved grandmother, but we knew it was time.
Shortly after her passing, my dad and Uncle Jordan gave my grandfather a blessing. Once again, we could feel the Spirit in the room as we knew Grandma was at peace. I gave my final goodbyes to Grandma about 20 minuets after she had passed. My heart is full. We know the Lord was watching over our family tonight.

Thoughts about my Grandma

I have been thinking lately about people who are close to me. Mostly because of the state that my dear Grandma is in. My thoughts have been so jummbled that it's been hard for me to gather them and write them down. Some of the following words were borrowed from my cousin Jill with my own inserted. She put it so well and I feel the same way as she does.
Since her lung cancer diagnosis in November, I’ve wondered each time I leave my Grandma if it’ll be the last time I see her alive. I knew she was terminal, I knew she was steadily declining, I knew it wouldn’t be long. So I’m not sure why I was so stunned when my sister called Thursday to say that the hospice nurse didn’t expect her to live out the week. We all knew this moment was coming...How could I not see her one more time? I wasn’t prepared for the state I found her in when I got there on Friday. The previous time I saw her was Sunday, and the drastic change in her condition was devastating. For the first time, she looked like a hospice patient to me. She cant get out of her chair without someone lifting her. She recognizes people and follows conversation, for the most part, but she doesn’t have any facial expressions and hardly verbalizes at all. She said she was glad to have us there but she didn’t really participate much. I think the visiting was more for us than for her.
Uncle Jordan flew in from Ohio and will stay a week. Aunt Lela came on a one way ticket from Utah. She’s staying “until the end” and will just drive back when her family comes for the funeral. We hung on her every word. Anytime she’d talk or even gesture, we’d all lean in and listen closely, trying not to miss a thing. She doesn’t like us to be tearful because crying makes her cough and often throw up.
Grandpa had gone to church with some family while my some family stayed home with Grandma. When Grandpa came home he said, “Hello my love” and she responded, “Hello dear.” He sat next to her and she reached for his hand. She was rubbing his hand with her thumb and he just sat there staring at her. I cant even imagine how hard it is for him to see his sweet, beautiful bride suffering like she is. She’s just not even the same person. Only occasionally did she say or do familiar things.
I don’t want to remember the coughing. I don't want to remember helping her feed herself (with the feeding tube) and rushing to the sink to thow up. I don't want to remember watching her suffer.
We all sat outside their house and watched the 24th of July Pioneer Parade going down Church Street on Saturday. Grandma had us put her into the wheelchair and roll her onto the porch so she could watch the parade and smell the rain.
The last time I saw her I knelt by her chair, held her hand and told her how much I loved her. At that moment, I held back the tears but after I kissed her check and told her I loved her again, I left with reluctancy hoping that it wouldn't be the last time I saw her.
I look forward to the funeral with a fair amount of dread. I’ll cry for sure, but there are only wonderful things to say about her and only sweet memories to be shared by those of us who love her. She has influenced countless lives for good and will surely be welcomed home by loving arms. God will literally be with her until we meet again and what a great day that will be.

UPDATE: This morning, Grandma is not responsive. The time is coming and we are all prepared...but not ready. I'm not ready to lose someone I love.

a quote for a giggle

"I forewarn you, this will be a rather long talk. I am an old man. I do not know how much longer I will live, and so I want to say what I have to say, while I have the strength to say it. ...Having been warned, some of you will wish to get comfortable. Pleasant dreams."

Memories...

This is a fun way to "bond" through cyberspace and time with my fellow bloggers, friends and family! I would LOVE it if you would all "play!"

Here are the directions:

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses.

...PHOTO OVERLOAD...

playing in daddy's socks
playing in the rain
kicking a ball in the rain (notice our flag? very patriotic...)
new sandbox
sand in the mouth from the new sandbox
chillin' with cousin dallin watching a show and eating some popcorn
hanging out with cousins Abby and Jacob
playing naked with "phsyco" (cycle)

so sorry everybody...

Life has been pretty busy lately...with Clifton being in the hospital, starting a new job, etc. my blog has just been put on the back burner. I will have Clifton post his experience when he gets home from work. He will have more details than i will...because clifton is a nursing student, he communicated frankly with the staff. it felt like every time a nurse or doctor would come in and talk to us, as soon as they would leave I would ask Clifton what they said. I heard everything, i just didn't understand what they said. I don't understand nurse talk. Anyway, he is feel better and looking better too. We know we'll get through this and we feel your love and support! Thanks for all your prayers

news to you...

i've been gone for a while, but i have good reasons. Clifton is currently in Tucson Medical Center undergoing several tests pertaining to his heart. Tuesday morning (4 am) he woke up with a really fast heart beat (like he had been working out). He also noticed it was slightly skipping...so not normal. by 9 am he couldn't take it anymore and we took him to the E.R. I'll give all the details later, but long story short, they flew him to Tucson to see a Cardiologist. We have been her since Tuesday, and they have run MANY tests. We are hoping to be discharged tomorrow (friday). Thanks Callie and Randon for letting me stay with you. Thanks mom and dad, Marcie, Emily, Sarah, and Jesse for taking care of Curtis. We couldn't have done this without you! And thanks for all the prayers. We can feel your love!

Going PRIVATE!!!

We had a scare today...i went to the bank to deposit my check, and they asked me if i'd heard of a website that showed up on my bankstatment. I said no, and then i asked them to freeze my account. i rushed home, looked up the website, called the number, and they told me they are a separate billing company for 3rd party companies. Anyway, long story short, some lady named Delorise in Texas used our account to set up online poker! I couldn't believe it! This made me realize how unsecure everything is on our computer. So, i've decided to go private. Please e-mail me if you would like to continue sharing with me. The more the better! I'll set it up next week!

janielephant@hotmail.com

Hope to see you all later!

FYI

if many of you havn't heard...follow this link!

http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/

a day at the zoo...

Down in Africa

below, is the first picture he sent us. in his first area, he had a mango tree right in his front yard and he would eat one everyday. turns out, chris is allergic to mangos. in his email, he talked about his face jiggling and itching and feeling like the movie HITCH. haha

we wouldn't be udall women if we didn't make up words to a song to send our baby brother on his mission. notice our innovative dance moves! (dance break is a tribute to his year in "The Company" formally know as the choralears) From left to right is Leah, Amanda, and then me. sorry about the graining picture, this was taken from a picture camera, not a video camera. we had a blast making up the lyrics and we loved singing it too him. We sure do miss Christopher, but we know that he is doing what the Lord would have him do. The people in Africa are so lucky to have my little brother for 2 years! WAIT! Almost one year down! YEAH! watch all the way through to get the best lyrics at the end!

ENJOY!!!

by the way...

things have been so busy around here, that i've forgotten to mention a few things:

1. we celebrated out 4 year anniversary a couple weeks ago on April 9th. sure sounds weird that i've been married for 4 years. I love you honey!

2: Clifton turned 28 last wednesday (the 23rd) but he was so busy with school, confrences, papers, etc. that he was too busy to celebrate. but we did yesterday with some angel food cake, strawberries and whipped cream. it was yummy! I love you honey! this cake is tastey!!!
3. Curtis seems to be going through a growth spurt these days. clothes that fit him a week ago are snug and tight today. we've had to go and get the next size up. here he is just chillin' with some goldfish...his favorite snack.

suprised?

Career Inventory Test Results
Extroversion 56%
Emotional Stability 66%
Orderliness 56%
Altruism 73%
Inquisitiveness 30%

You are a Supporter, possible professions include - nurse, social worker, caterer, flight attendant, bookkeeper, medical/dental assistant, exercise physiologist, elementary school teacher, minister/priest/rabbi, retail owner, officer manager, telemarketer, counselor, special education teacher, merchandise planner, credit counselor, athletic coach, insurance agent, sales representative, massage therapist, medical secretary, child care provider, bilingual education teacher, professional volunteer.

my blog is so borring

Here is curtis with some crazy hair after a bath! the other day, i was upstairs getting ready for the day, getting ready to go into town, i come downstairs to this...a complete box of tissues, nearly EMPTY!!! when i caught him, he knew he was in trouble, but how can you get mad at a face like this?

below, is my kitchen. isn't it huge? off to the right is a dinning area that fits our kitchen table. and i finally have a place to put all my coca-cola stuff! the reason this is the only picture of my new place, is because this is the only room that is clean at the moment.
a boy and his snack.
back off of my popcorn!

question...

does anyone know how to make internet explorer work? i don't know if it's a firewall or what, but we cannot get explorer to work on our desktop. our laptop works just fine, but any info will help!

a visit to the ER...long post

so about tuesday night, i was feeling some pain in my back. but i just took some tylenol and thought nothing of it, because my pain went away. thursday night i played in a volleyball game and came home with some pain in my mid-lower back. i could feel myself getting feverish so i took some tylenol pm and decided that i would go to the training room (at EAC) in the morning. I still had the pain when i woke up but i decided i would see how i felt after the treatment. during treatment, jeff (the trainer) put ice on my back because it was a recent injury, but the entire 20 minuets i was shivering uncontrolably. i asked for a blanket, and then i asked if we could check my temperature. Jeff checked it after treatment was over and it was 103.3. Clifton and Curtis were out at the pool, and we quickly loaded up to go to the hospital. I had taken some tylenol to calm down the fever. but by the time we got to the hospital, my temp had droped to 101, the shivers were gone, and the pain in my back had subsided. I sat in the waiting room for 2 HOURS before i was taken back to be seen by a doctor. another half an hour later after getting a bed, they tell me my test results...i have STREP and a UTI!!! What? i have never had either of these in my life! how could i get them at the same time?! they explained to me that the pain in my back was the UTI...it had been going on so long that the infection went all the way up to my kidney's. well, they gave me a shot in my butt that was white, creamy and thick (and that sucker burned all the way in) that was for both of these illnesses. after i was released from the hospital, i went to walgreens to drop off my prescription, came home and started to feel shakey again. i took some more tylenol to help with the pain but i took it too late. by this time i had been shivering uncontrolably for about 15 minuets...i felt cold, and hot at the same time. i then rolled over to throw up pure liquid because thats ALL i had in my system. We're almost sure the tylenol came up with everything else but we didn't know what to do. It hadn't even been an hour after leaving the hospital. we decided to go back for fear of possible overdose if i took another set of pills. it was hard to walk into the ER because i was shaking uncontrolably. they took me in right away for obvious reasons. my temp at that point was 103.5 and they did everything they could to cool me down. it worked and my temp returned to 100.8. they felt safe enough to turn me loose at that point with direct instructions to keep up with alternating tylenol and motrin every 3 hours to stay on top of my fever. this was all FRIDAY by the way!!! i slept great and felt really good all day saturday. i felt so good that i thought it would be a good idea to give clifton a break from curtis and take him to my parents for a while. i was only there for maybe 2 hours when i started to feel strange...well more strange than i've felt the last 2 days. i headed home and then started shivering again. i crawled in my bed and wanted to cover up in blankets because i felt so cold. but i knew that my fever was spiking again. it was 104 degrees!!! we called my mom at about 7:30 pm and asked her if she could stay with curtis while clifton took me to the hospital. i jumped in the bath and got my shaking under control but my face still felt like it was on fire! after the bath my temp was 103, so we decided we would try what they did at the hospital to cool me off...cold rags on my face, under my arms, the back of my neck and my chest. every 3 minuets we would have to re-cool the rags but slowly, my temp got down to 101.7. thankfully we didn't have to return to the hospital because we got it all under control. i'm still fighting the fever and still taking the antibiotics, but hopfully in a few days this will all be over!

how about an update...

We've MOVED! Finally, we got the word last wednesday that we could move into a brand new apartment complex in Safford. It's called Pinaleno Foothills Apartments and we live in number 17!!! It is 3 bedroom 2 bath and very spacious. The kitchen is great, with a dining area, lots of storage, a place for our washer and dryer, large closets in every bedroom, and more storage. I'm actually having a hard time organizing where to store all our stuff we don't use everyday. I guess that is a good problem. Pics to come soon!
Work has been good for me, but it has slowed down significantly this week. I was driving about 2 times a week, and now i'm just on call. One of the other drivers backs out regularly...anywho, it's been nice having a break from all the traveling, but i still love it. It gives me a chance to get out and get a tan. Pics to come soon!
Clifton has been busy with school. He's having a hard time with his instructor though. She's very unorganized and we really don't know what Clifton's grade is because he just barely got back an assignment he turned in at the beginning of the semester. With everything happening in our lives right now, he's been handling school very well.
Curtis is loving the new place. He did have a hard time getting used to it though. It only took about 2 days for him to be comfortable. He's sleeping very well, very normal, and he loves having his own room. He's understanding more words and phrases now. I took him swimming today...he had a hard time with it. We were the only ones in the pool, but he had a death grip on my shirt. He'll warm up to it. Pics to come soon!

catch up..

my cute kid...
me and shaka in california...i drove the tennis team. she also plays volleyball. we had fun!
inside world of disney...
shamu at sea world...
and more of my cute kid...silly cheesy grin

Cliftons Post

Well I thought I would leave a post on my wifes already awesome blog and add a little testosterone to the whole thing. Well I love being my wifes husband and my boys daddy. They both enrich my life and they make nursing school worth the time and energy. I have been doing the the Mr. Mom thing while Janiel drives the bus for the atheletic teams. She has been quite scrapy with being the bread winner while I do the nursing stuff. Role reversals can be quite fun but am looking foward to the summer when we can change roles back. How is that for testosterone? HeHe. If you think I am a total sissy I will shoot you with my shot gun and pound my chest afterwords. so there.

Absolutly in LOVE

I just bought this CD last week, and i LOVE it! it is a fun, folk-sy, different kind of music, with lyrics that make me smile. just thought i would share.