keeping my mind off of my mind

i had no idea what day it was today until i called clifton, who was already at work, and asked. i woke this morning feeling disoriented as to what i was supposed to do today. but then again every day these days seems that way...and i don't like it. completely unmotivated. I have 3 jobs, and yet i haven't worked in almost a month. How does that work you ask? its simple...summer break...and i don't like it. don't get me wrong, school being out is fantastic and i love having Clifton being out of school and working (it makes me feel loved when he works), but i miss working too. a month and a half from now you might hear me singing a different song.

LaLaLa...dobedobedooo. (that's me singing my song)

i guess the main reason i wish i was working is so i can take my mind off of our current situation. to make a long story short, i haven't had that many tragedies in my life, but when they happen, the best way i know how to deal with them, is to get to work. when my Grandma Udall passed away last July, i was lucky to be able to work volleyball camp the next day...keeping my mind off of my mind. then when Grandpa Udall passed, i was driving the womens basketball team on an overnight trip when i got the call saying he died. again, working...keeping my mind off of my mind. this time, it's summer vacation. and i'm not working.

no more beating around the bush...i lost the baby last week. it all happened so fast that there was almost no time to contemplate what was actually happening. i went to see the dr. the morning it happened and he did an internal ultrasound and found nothing. but he said he could tell that i was pretty far along because of the size of the cavity (i was almost 12 weeks). and it didn't hit me until that moment...even though i knew everything had passed through, hearing it from a medical professional broke my heart. this past week has been full of drugs (to contract my uterus), laying down watching t.v. (to keep my mind off of my mind), and not much sleep (because i can't). I am grateful for the fact that this happened now, instead of 20 weeks from now. I also take comfort in knowing i can get pregnant, and that there was nothing i could have done to make this happen or to prevent it from happening. I'm glad 'someone' has a plan.

i've never been one to ask for help or pity. so the point of this post is to inform, not a pity party. i guess i jumped the gun on telling everyone. it's only fair to let the readers know. it's better than running into me at the grocery store and asking me how the baby is. (i've done it before too ;) and since you are the informed crowd, i should let you know what conversations i hate and am not looking forward to;

Them: How old is your son?

Me: He's two. He will be 3 in September.

Them: Wow. Isn't it about time to have another?

I HATE THIS!!!

A word of advise to the clueless...There is nothing worse than going to church and having a woman, who knows little about me and my family, judge me because i haven't had another child yet. but with a straight face, i grit my teeth, trying to control my rage, and nod...as if i agree with them. i know this happens often and i'm not the only one. i also know it will happen again. i really should start keeping stats on this. But, what gives them the right to tell me it's okay, that they are so sorry, and try to give me advise?

SIGH! Breath...all better.

I will tell you what has kept me sane and happy.

this adorable face!

He's my best bud.

even though he steals my oreo's.

i'm grateful for him everyday!

one of my favorite things

sitting here recovering from tonights basketball game, surfing the web with my two new kitties asleep on my belly while listening to a re-run of 'the office' and being able to fast forward through the commercials is one of my favorite things. how's that for a run-on sentence?

Who's is that?

I found a bra in my laundry...and it's not mine. hmm.

-{(**remember when I had a blog**)}-

So here are a few things that have been happening in the last couple of months with our family.



1. My car died close to valentines day, and i was so sad because i loved that little thing! I was traveling to Pheonix with Shari to go on a recruiting trip (we flew to Vegas) and while on the rezz my car just pooped out! We had to change the flight, and then wait for Shari's husband Kelly to get off work so he could tow us home. THEN, we got back in her car to drive to the airport and then on to Vegas...all of this happend within a 7 hour period. It was a long day, but really fun. Anyway, we got my car into a shop and they said it would cost $3000 to get it fixed. Now considering i only payed $1000 for it, it just didn't seem worth it. This leads me to point number two.



2. We got a new car! We shopped around for a while and figured what we could afford. We have never had a reliable car and after being married 5 years it's nice to have the freedom of a good car. At the used car lot here in town, we found a good sized family car that was owned by a family that lives just up the street from my parents. Anyway, 44K miles, a 2006 Mercury Montego, comparable to an Altima or Maxima in size, and they sold it to us a trade in value price! We felt so good about the car and have not had any buyers remorse! The picture below is from a website, the color of our car is a light greenish silver.




3. Like i said in the last section, we have been married for 5 years April 9th. woohoo.



4. Clifton turned 29 two weeks later (April 23rd). He's not happy about it. People would ask him how old he is and he says "Not 30!" True.

5. I went golfing for the first time last thursday. It was "The Annual EAC Athletic Department Golf Party". So much fun. We were put on teams of 4 or 5 and whomever had the best shot is where we all played from...as a team. There were times when my shot was the best. The coach that put the game on was actually impressed that it was my first time on a golf coarse. What can i say?

6. Clifton took his final last tuesday for block 3 nursing. Before going into his last test, he felt confident that he would pass...and he did! He got a 90% on his final. He still hasn't got his final grade yet, but we are positive we don't have anything to worry about. Yeah! Only one more semester to go!

7. I've been helping my parents paint and stuff so they can move next door into my grandma and grandpa's house. It makes sense for them to live there...it's a smaller house, it's one level, etc. They want to be moved over before Chris gets home from his mission (July 16th)...thats only a few short months away! I'd better hurry up and finish my projects so we can get them moved over!

8. Curtis has been showing an interest in the potty lately. Until we went away for a weekend. He did so good for 4 days, and hasn't returned to the pot since. I ask him if he would like to go, and he says no. But before we left on our weekend trip, he was telling me he had to go! And after only 4 days? I wish he would want to go again. Below is Curtis wearing daddy's shoes.