This evening while family was gathered together for a family home evening of sorts, my sweet Grandma passed away. We had been preparing for that moment for several days now, but when it happened, it was as if she just left while we weren't paying attention. We had a family prayer, and sang "Love at Home"... a family favorite... and by the time the song was finished, she had drifted. I think Aunt Lela described it best, "The tears are not tears of sadness, but tears of the sweet Spirit." Now i'm not gonna lie, I was very sad. But the Spirit was so strong in that house this evening. We're so sad to loose our beloved grandmother, but we knew it was time.
Shortly after her passing, my dad and Uncle Jordan gave my grandfather a blessing. Once again, we could feel the Spirit in the room as we knew Grandma was at peace. I gave my final goodbyes to Grandma about 20 minuets after she had passed. My heart is full. We know the Lord was watching over our family tonight.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Thoughts about my Grandma
I have been thinking lately about people who are close to me. Mostly because of the state that my dear Grandma is in. My thoughts have been so jummbled that it's been hard for me to gather them and write them down. Some of the following words were borrowed from my cousin Jill with my own inserted. She put it so well and I feel the same way as she does.
Since her lung cancer diagnosis in November, I’ve wondered each time I leave my Grandma if it’ll be the last time I see her alive. I knew she was terminal, I knew she was steadily declining, I knew it wouldn’t be long. So I’m not sure why I was so stunned when my sister called Thursday to say that the hospice nurse didn’t expect her to live out the week. We all knew this moment was coming...How could I not see her one more time? I wasn’t prepared for the state I found her in when I got there on Friday. The previous time I saw her was Sunday, and the drastic change in her condition was devastating. For the first time, she looked like a hospice patient to me. She cant get out of her chair without someone lifting her. She recognizes people and follows conversation, for the most part, but she doesn’t have any facial expressions and hardly verbalizes at all. She said she was glad to have us there but she didn’t really participate much. I think the visiting was more for us than for her.
Uncle Jordan flew in from Ohio and will stay a week. Aunt Lela came on a one way ticket from Utah. She’s staying “until the end” and will just drive back when her family comes for the funeral. We hung on her every word. Anytime she’d talk or even gesture, we’d all lean in and listen closely, trying not to miss a thing. She doesn’t like us to be tearful because crying makes her cough and often throw up.
Grandpa had gone to church with some family while my some family stayed home with Grandma. When Grandpa came home he said, “Hello my love” and she responded, “Hello dear.” He sat next to her and she reached for his hand. She was rubbing his hand with her thumb and he just sat there staring at her. I cant even imagine how hard it is for him to see his sweet, beautiful bride suffering like she is. She’s just not even the same person. Only occasionally did she say or do familiar things.
I don’t want to remember the coughing. I don't want to remember helping her feed herself (with the feeding tube) and rushing to the sink to thow up. I don't want to remember watching her suffer.
We all sat outside their house and watched the 24th of July Pioneer Parade going down Church Street on Saturday. Grandma had us put her into the wheelchair and roll her onto the porch so she could watch the parade and smell the rain.
The last time I saw her I knelt by her chair, held her hand and told her how much I loved her. At that moment, I held back the tears but after I kissed her check and told her I loved her again, I left with reluctancy hoping that it wouldn't be the last time I saw her.
I look forward to the funeral with a fair amount of dread. I’ll cry for sure, but there are only wonderful things to say about her and only sweet memories to be shared by those of us who love her. She has influenced countless lives for good and will surely be welcomed home by loving arms. God will literally be with her until we meet again and what a great day that will be.
UPDATE: This morning, Grandma is not responsive. The time is coming and we are all prepared...but not ready. I'm not ready to lose someone I love.
Since her lung cancer diagnosis in November, I’ve wondered each time I leave my Grandma if it’ll be the last time I see her alive. I knew she was terminal, I knew she was steadily declining, I knew it wouldn’t be long. So I’m not sure why I was so stunned when my sister called Thursday to say that the hospice nurse didn’t expect her to live out the week. We all knew this moment was coming...How could I not see her one more time? I wasn’t prepared for the state I found her in when I got there on Friday. The previous time I saw her was Sunday, and the drastic change in her condition was devastating. For the first time, she looked like a hospice patient to me. She cant get out of her chair without someone lifting her. She recognizes people and follows conversation, for the most part, but she doesn’t have any facial expressions and hardly verbalizes at all. She said she was glad to have us there but she didn’t really participate much. I think the visiting was more for us than for her.
Uncle Jordan flew in from Ohio and will stay a week. Aunt Lela came on a one way ticket from Utah. She’s staying “until the end” and will just drive back when her family comes for the funeral. We hung on her every word. Anytime she’d talk or even gesture, we’d all lean in and listen closely, trying not to miss a thing. She doesn’t like us to be tearful because crying makes her cough and often throw up.
Grandpa had gone to church with some family while my some family stayed home with Grandma. When Grandpa came home he said, “Hello my love” and she responded, “Hello dear.” He sat next to her and she reached for his hand. She was rubbing his hand with her thumb and he just sat there staring at her. I cant even imagine how hard it is for him to see his sweet, beautiful bride suffering like she is. She’s just not even the same person. Only occasionally did she say or do familiar things.
I don’t want to remember the coughing. I don't want to remember helping her feed herself (with the feeding tube) and rushing to the sink to thow up. I don't want to remember watching her suffer.
We all sat outside their house and watched the 24th of July Pioneer Parade going down Church Street on Saturday. Grandma had us put her into the wheelchair and roll her onto the porch so she could watch the parade and smell the rain.
The last time I saw her I knelt by her chair, held her hand and told her how much I loved her. At that moment, I held back the tears but after I kissed her check and told her I loved her again, I left with reluctancy hoping that it wouldn't be the last time I saw her.
I look forward to the funeral with a fair amount of dread. I’ll cry for sure, but there are only wonderful things to say about her and only sweet memories to be shared by those of us who love her. She has influenced countless lives for good and will surely be welcomed home by loving arms. God will literally be with her until we meet again and what a great day that will be.
UPDATE: This morning, Grandma is not responsive. The time is coming and we are all prepared...but not ready. I'm not ready to lose someone I love.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
a quote for a giggle
"I forewarn you, this will be a rather long talk. I am an old man. I do not know how much longer I will live, and so I want to say what I have to say, while I have the strength to say it. ...Having been warned, some of you will wish to get comfortable. Pleasant dreams."
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Memories...
This is a fun way to "bond" through cyberspace and time with my fellow bloggers, friends and family! I would LOVE it if you would all "play!"
Here are the directions:
1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses.
Here are the directions:
1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
...PHOTO OVERLOAD...
playing in daddy's socks
playing in the rain
kicking a ball in the rain (notice our flag? very patriotic...)
new sandbox
sand in the mouth from the new sandbox
chillin' with cousin dallin watching a show and eating some popcorn
hanging out with cousins Abby and Jacob
playing naked with "phsyco" (cycle)
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